Marketing people simply must be exterminated. We all must be aware of that frighteningly Stalinist study that noted that people eat more quickly while listening to music firmly in the allegro spectrum. Now every little nook that one finds to partake in nourishment must be bouncing along to some infernal dance remix of Gordon Lightfoot’s greatest hits. This is simply intolerable and obviously the result of a man who has spent too much time outside in the sun without the proper headwear.

When one performs the act of eating one is communing with one’s most primal self. It is a time to note the passage of the day. A time to stop and see the world around and ponder one’s part in it all. The rumble of jungle beats mixed with the synthesized tones of white-boy suburbia torpedo any of this time for reflection. Instead one is transported to a place of time tables, production meetings and the in-laws infernal small canine.

Now, not being one to stand idly by while a horror is perpetrated on the populace, let me be the first to issue a call to arms. These United States of America are percolating with energetic minds with skills to conquer any evil. I hereby implore those of you with the mental means to dedicate your selves to the design of some device to rid of of this menace. Perhaps some portable magnetron that destroys speakers. What about a bacteria that enjoys speaker cone material for its caloric intake. However it will be done it must be done.

Now soldier on! And may I recommend ear plugs until that fateful day when we are released from this hell.