Precision!

A terrible scourge has infected our mechanical design culture. Its name is tool-less fastening. One will find the droppings of this is the craze emblazoned in advertisements promoting electronic componentry. It has even more recently spread its emasculating tentacles to the manly mechanical fields. Its idea is simple, even seductive upon shallow inspection. It is only when we delve further that the evil becomes apparent.

Since the birth of this great nation, we have thrived upon the use of tools. These signposts on the road of man’s genius were at the fore of every home’s garage and workspace. Every boy studied at his father’s side learning the divine precision of a torque wrench, the correct sizing of a phillips-head socket, the simple elegance of a feeler gauge. This proliferation of knowledge permeated the culture such that the great feats of the railroad, space program and ice crushing apparti for chilled alcoholic beverages became possible. Further their designs improved with every iteration. A father’s carburetor was improved by his son and the grandson did the same. This grand betterment of society met a foe, however.

Now, citizen, I have not been able to definitively trace the trail of this evil but I think you will agree that the coincidences add up quite damningly. In the late 1980s to the early 1990s these “tool-less” designs started appearing on our shelves. They bellowed their siren song of no longer needing to learn the ways of the tools. All one needed to do was push incredibly hard, in an astoundingly uncomfortable position, on a few sheet metal tabs and all would snap together. The result would still be loose, unfitted, rattling in the breeze and at odds with all mechanical aesthetic but the job would be finished. “Sit back,” they cooed, “do not trouble your head with learning the culture of competence and excellence.” That these products were made in a communist land by recently unemployed Northern communist engineering force gives you all you need to know.

It is simply a plot to infantilize our public. I am certain that Lenin himself would smile upon this project!

You may ask, since this plot is so far along and so entrenched, what can we do? Well, do not just sit there! Engineers! Alight to your workstations and design using the fasteners of your father. The fasteners of FREEDOM! Re-establish the fine adjustments that made neighborhood weekends tuning competitions between men. Men of significance! Men of skill! All is not lost!

Vigilance!