Years ago, in a place not too far removed from where I now sit, existed place of intrigue. A place so magical that words can just start to describe the outline of its wonder. But that is what I shall endeavor to do. On the South-East corner of U.S. Route 6 and Auburn Road is a [...]
March 15, 2008
Posted elsewhere Saturday, March 15, 2008 Behold the latest in my local crank output! I just sent this silliness into the News-Herald as a response to their terribly annoying editorial today. 300 words is awfully tight but here is how it goes: In your Saturday, March 15th editorial you issued a “Brickbat” to U.S. District Judge Walton [...]
March 11, 2008
Originally posted elsewhere Tuesday, March 11, 2008 Let’s say you run a public organization that has too much time on its hands. You need something to busy the troops. But… what? I’ve got an idea, let’s invent a rodent that predicts the future! Heard that one before? Well, why be bashful, let’s steal the whole idea [...]
March 9, 2008
Originally posted elsewhere Sunday, March 9, 2008 and, horrifyingly, in the News-Herald shortly thereafter. Including the last line about that leads to a video which obviously doesn’t play well in newsprint. God, I love the News-Herald but the picture of editing excellence they’re not. Living in the snow belt really isn’t that big of a deal [...]
December 1, 2007
Originally written in December 2007 So, I’ve written many letters to Autoweek complaining about all matter of idiocy and they have never published me. This time I put in a fucking pun and the not only publish me but I got the highlighted letter of the week with the accompanying car picture. Sigh. And the letter: Your criticism [...]
January 8, 2007
I assume by now you, dear citizen, have noticed the preponderance of traditional brick and mortar companies changing their names. Now, Hewlett-Packard’s instrument division can’t be called Hewlett Packard. Heavens no. A venerable name such as that might give the consumer and, let us be honest, the community a sense of history and permanence. No, [...]
October 8, 2006
No sooner than have the powers that be taken away man’s want of proper head-wear, now we are stuck with another scourge. Today was a day that men dread as it was a day that I was required to go shoe shopping. The aesthetics of footwear is not something that comes naturally to the natively [...]
July 28, 2006
Marketing people simply must be exterminated. We all must be aware of that frighteningly Stalinist study that noted that people eat more quickly while listening to music firmly in the allegro spectrum. Now every little nook that one finds to partake in nourishment must be bouncing along to some infernal dance remix of Gordon Lightfoot’s [...]
December 18, 2008